|
[Monday, March 7th, 2005
@ 10:20pm] |
i'm gonna delete this journal.
my new one is ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) thedeadmime
i'm friends-cutting too.
add my new journal to yours if you please. thanks. i know it's a pain in the ass. i just don't want to remember anything from this journal anymore.
|
|
| gone for the day to the Trolley Wood.. |
[Thursday, March 3rd, 2005
@ 12:15pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 pensive |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
"Trolley Wood" - Eisley |
] |
so there is this wonderfully great band called Eisley that i really like now. i bought their cd the other day, and it's very pretty and dreamy music. i absolutely love it, which is strange because it's not quite my type of music. the singers are girls, which i usually hate. but for some reason i really love this band. i can't say that i've ever heard any other band so unique. i hope i can be a part of something like that some day and have someone call me unique.
well, it's happening. i re-read The Perks of Being A Wallflower yesterday and today. that is the fastest book to read ever, because it just sucks you in so much, and you really become part of the story as you're reading it. i think it's my favorite book again. usually when i read it, it's hard to write things afterwards because it's hard to get out of the mindset of the main character. so the things i start to write come out sounding an awful lot like the book. i think, anyway. that kind of bothers me because i don't want to sound like anyone else when i write things. but i really do love that book. everyone should read it. i just gave it to bri, so maybe after she is done i'll re-read it again, and highlight or underline my favorite parts. it feels wrong to write in my own books, because i want to keep them nice looking. but then i realized that it's even better if you have a copy of your favorite book that is all marked up and stuff. so i think i will do that. but first i have to re-read Naked Lunch. that book is a trip. it's by william S. Burroughs. i didn't understand it at all the first time i read it, but i still managed to do an essay on it for hartman. go figure. it's weird the things people write when they're on heroin. if i ever did heroin, that would be the reason. just to see what crazy shit i would end up writing.
i know i had something else to say. something more important. hmm.
i keep forgetting how close the end of our senior year is coming. wel, i remember, but it's the "i'm so glad it's almost over" type of remembering. today i remembered it kind of different. i think it is because of a combination of reading that book again and walking outside in the nice weather. the weather reminded me of spring at the end of the year last year, but mostly the year before. when the security guards set up instruments and played hawaiian music outside on the last day of school. that's what it reminded me of. and also, just the feeling of the last days of school. kinda nostalgic, and everyone is just happy. but i think it's going to be kind of sad this year. no matter how much i absolutely HATED high school, and no matter how glad i am that i'll be done FOREVER... it'll still be sad. so, it's march right now. i think i'm going to try and enjoy as much as i can of these last few months. instead of being excited to get out so much. because i think people focus on that too much when they get to be a senior, and then they miss out on just BEING THERE. like, the people from Perks, they were graduating, and it was so happy and everything for them. and then it was over, and i found myself feeling sad about it. then i remembered that i still have some time until i have to be sad about leaving so i might as well enjoy it. i'm glad we're going to france shortly after. that will make it feel less weird being done i think.
i want to read catcher in the rye again. i gave my copy to billy for his birthday or christmas, i can't remember which. so i need to go get a new one sometime soon. i liked that book. it kinda sucks though.. i think i've said it before. chris resembles "Holden" from Catcher in the rye and zac resembles donnie darko. so if i picked a character, i would definitely pick Charlie from Perks. but i guess billy is like charlie more? maybe i should just read another book and find a different character? ..no, screw that. i'm definitely charlie. besides i don't think billy is near nice or innocent or ... just 'charlie' enough to be a charlie. lol. i guess it's just what charlie thinks about things. and the way he does it. it's very much like the way i do. that book always makes me sad, though. usually it's because i always have wanted to have the kind of friendships that charlie has with people. that is the most amazing thing to me. the whole tight-nit, always there for you, be your REAL self around type of friends. but this time when i read it, it didn't make me sad because i didn't have that.. it made me sad because i had it, but i lost it. and it's kind of not fair that in the book, charlie loses those friendships too for a minute, but then he gets them back. and things went back to the way they were. and no one ever once gets freaked out by anything he does. cause they're his friends. so why can't i have that again? i don't know. maybe some day. but i don't want to think about that right now. anyway, i still think that i'm charlie, and that's final. but in the end, i suppose we all really oughta just be ourselves.
ps: everyone listen to Eisley. really. i mean maybe it's just me, but they're great.
|
|
|
[Tuesday, February 22nd, 2005
@ 3:51pm] |
fuck
my mom is in the hospital.
|
|
|
[Sunday, February 13th, 2005
@ 1:36am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 tired |
] |
i have the worst headache. ughhhh.
i think i'm going to give that story a go this weekend. the happy one for rachel. it's kinda weird. last valentine's day i wrote a story as well... but it was about the most depressing thing ever. this year, it'll be happy. :) valentine's day seems to stick in everyone's craw. it's odd. either you love it because you are happily involved with someone, or you hate it because... well there are many reasons. but it's always one or the other. this year, i'm not doing EITHER. i'm just going to be amused by it. amused by the people who are unbelievably bitter, and amused by the happy couples who can't keep their hands off of each other. just amused. no more no less. and full too, hopefully. from all that food..
i was talking to billy tonight. that was good. we talked about religion and some pretty interesting theories came up. religion is an interesting thing. i think i'd almost like to take a class about it or something, like to find out where they all stemmed from. but, i think i'd end up getting bored. i'd rather research it on my own. also, i found my mom's old psychology books from college. they are so cool and so interesting. i love psychology. i love figuring out people's minds. i can't wait to take it in college. at CC, i was talking with our little tour guide person, and she said that for her psych class there they had to train a rat. very interesting.
i found a picture while i was cleaning today.
it's of me when i was a little kid.
is that like, unbelieveably cute or what? come on, admit it. i was an adorable kid. it's the only thing i can credit myself on. lol, now i know we're all thinking it: what happened?
|
|
|
[Saturday, February 12th, 2005
@ 7:38pm] |
ughh, what a day.
i watched this movie called Gummo.
i swear, i am SO done with independent films for a while.
this one.. wasn't as groundbreaking and life changing as the rest i've seen lately. but it reminded me of my childhood. like, i hate thinking about the past. reminiscing and whatnot. it's horrible to me, and now i know why. i had a shitty childhood. lol. i had completely forgotten. we lived in the shithole, poor part of town. it was totally white trash. lol, even though i'm not fully white. but yeah. where dirty litle kids just ran around all day, no parents watching them. it's amazing i never caught anything, considering who i hung around with. it's so weird how you don't even realize that stuff when you're little. but yeah, that movie reminded me of how fucked up my childhood.. and i guess my whole LIFE has been. all the way up until i moved here, anyway.
it was very strange that i watched that particular movie today. because today i also cleaned out my room and threw away all my old junk. i'm not quite finished yet, just taking a break. but man. that SUCKED. because i had going through old stuff. it just reminds me of.. things. the past. i hate it. before we moved here, my mom threw away about half of my childhood. gave away all my old toys and whatnot. today, i threw the other half away. it was hard to do, but i couldn't be more happy that i did it. it was so cleansing and everything. a fucking pain in the ass. i was literally knee-deep in fucking childhood memories. but it's okay, because now i never have to look at or think about them again. i found my old junior high year books. god. lol, i was so fat. i was like, hideous. i'm surprised anyone ever talked to me, i was so gross. just ew. it's so weird that all this stuff happened today. it's kind of symbolic i guess. like, i'm going to move on to college soon (hopefully), and i'm getting rid of all my old stuff. weird. but yeah. i wonder if most people have fucked up childhoods like that. maybe. i just can't get the images out of my head. all the little dirty kids that rode their bikes around, and had parents that didn't give a shit, and hey, all those kids were my friends. and i was one of them. and i hate to think about that. but, now i don't have to anymore, because i have nothing left to remind me really. and i'm so glad.
anyway. i'm glad i've grown up. i hate thinking back to the way i was. i'd much rather be who i am now, i think.
|
|
|
[Wednesday, February 2nd, 2005
@ 8:39pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 good |
] |
lalala.
today was good. pretty good. but i'm still glad it's over, because now we have a 4 day weekend! yay. and i was productive today, because i FINALLY finished all that FAFSA financial aid crap!!! i'm finally finally done with it. they gave me an estimated thing on how much i would have to contribute and it said like, $5,000 which is really good considering tuition for CC is nearly 40,000. so. heh, now all i have to do is get ACCEPTED. ugh.
and now it's freedom until monday. thank jebus.
um, i don't have a lot to say again. everything is just kind of "meh" right now. nothing going on. which is fine. i don't mind it.
oh yes, so bri and rachel! i will see you tomorrow, heehee. painting painting painting... i fucking hate painting dammit! but it'll be fun, i hope.
annd. oh yeah, chase! i totally didn't see you after school today. which is weird because usually i always do. but anyway, i found my story, so i'll just give that to you the next time i see you.
and then... oh chris and brandon! i got the little adapter thingy that i needed for my monitor! thanks for mentioning that. but i still need another video card, so i think i'm just going to put in the one from my old computer. if that is allowed. so yes, thanks for the smart computer help guys.
and sarah... lmao, one bottle of lotion, ah ah ah!! count dracula.. i can't believe we were totally thinking the same thing, lol. that was great.
annnd zac..did you get The Grudge yet?? lol, probably. let me know when you are watching it..
i think that is all for now. i lead such a boring life. but that's okay. :)
|
|
|
[Wednesday, January 26th, 2005
@ 3:53pm] |
...i just got an idea for a story. a burst of inspiration if you will.
wow. i love it when that happens...
oh yes, Chase, i forgot to let you read that one story of mine that i wrote a while back. if i can find it, i will bring it to school. and yeah, we should totally work on a book or something. that would be so awesome.
|
|
| oh what marvelous things, but they are giving me the creeps. |
[Monday, January 24th, 2005
@ 9:13pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
tired |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Eisley - Marvelous Things |
] |
well... today has seemed like a bit of a waste so far. i've decided i think, not to redo my english essay. one 86 isn't going to kill me. although, i am a bit disappointed in my writing abilities and all... i knew the essay was bad from the beginnning. i really, really did this time. so, i'm gonna let this one go. unless i get my grade check tomorrow and i have a C.. THEN i might change my mind about the revision, lol. we'll see. i'm gettting sick of english, though. like, those stupid socratic seminars that we have. i don't say a word. and i'm afraid that mrs. hazlett is going to bust me one of these days. ugh. but the reason that i don't ever add anything is just because the discussions to me seem so pointless. like, we're talking about how king lear is this old senile guy who's insecure and a little bit selfish... yknow, all the qualities that come along with being a ruler and in charge. and like, all the things that people talked about today... it all just seems so obvious to me. that's why i can never think of anything to say. i'll be sitting there thinking "ok, is there anything decent that i can add?" and i won't be able to think of anything because everything just seems so obvious. but then someone says it, and i'm like "well, yeah.." it's hard to explain. it's like the equivilent of me adding, "...and yknow, that king lear... well, he was actually a KING! i'm serious. and he had three daughters, it says right here on page 4..." like, that's how it is in my head. i guess just because all of our discussions are so closely related to the text. i don't see how it can do any good if we never get off the text. because it's all good and well if you can understand what you're reading, and make assertions about the characters and all, but if you can't relate it to anything in life then it won't do you any good. but that's just me. i think it's just the way i read. i don't have any problems discussing other books with other people, it's just that class. i dunno. too much hartman in the past i guess.
so anyway. man, i hope this week doesn't end up to be too long. sitting at lunch today i realized that it was only MONDAY. 4 more days to get through. i'm not looking forward to it. this past weekend was really nice, though. talking to chris, jess, and maggie on friday was cool. and then talking with billy after that.. and then saturday was really awesome. other than that pesky SAT testing i had to do at the asscrack of dawn. ...well, it was only 8am, but it seemed early. after that i went furniture shopping with my mom. my new computer desk and futon thing are coming tomorrow. we'll probably start painting the room pretty soon. i hope it turns out well. and then after shopping came my adventures with billy... that was very nice. i really want to have more days like that.. it was very peaceful, and mellow, but really fun at the same time. it was great...
but now, it is monday. going on tuesday. bleh.. i hope this week turns out decent. i think i say that every week. i will keep my fingers crossed.
|
|
|
[Saturday, January 22nd, 2005
@ 1:06am] |
oh, jesus h christ WHY do i have to get up for the SATs tomorrow? i want to sleep in so bad. ugh. i was going to study tonight, but seriously.. fuck that. i'm just going to go in and do the best that i can do. and even though i know it won't be good enough, i will try anyway.
i don't have anything else to say really.
except to billy... hey. i know i don't even need to say it, do i? you already know it, lol. but i will anyway... i'm really glad i got a chance to explain all that stuff to you tonight. just...wow. if you weren't around, like, i have no idea what i would do. seriously, i'm so glad that you're here. i really am. me and you, man... it's good stuff. it's funny, whenever we talk about stuff, there's always a few things i forget to say, or realize that i should have said to you... but hey, that's okay. that only means more discussions. ^_^ thanks for being on the same level as me. thank you for being my friend. oh yes, and most importantly, thank you for being WHO YOU ARE. i truly mean that, and i know that you know it well. thank you.
|
|
|
[Monday, January 3rd, 2005
@ 1:02pm] |
ugh.
i'm not really digging today so far. i kind of want to go back to bed, and then wake up and start over..
but anyway. i'm really slacking in the reply department lately. so here we go:
bri, i'm glad you like my lj layout, i like yours too! (lol, that was an old one...)
and bri and rachel, i think i do wanna come with you on tuesday. ugh, going back to school a day early does not sound pleasing, but if it means no more calculus, then okay. so do you want me to meet you there or what??
and sarah and rachel, going to bri's makes me sad sometimes, because being surrounded by people, as is usually the case there, makes me feel lonely most of the time. but friday was fun. :)
and chris, i know this should go in my DJ because i don't know if you read this journal, but we'll put it in here anyway. of course i had to stick you on my site, lol. and yes, holy crap yes, you have to get your new guitar so that you can play with me and sarah. that will be good times.
and zac, i know i still owe you an email. i haven't forgotten.
annnnd... i think that's about it. um, billy, once again i apologize for being such a fuckface and all. i'm glad that you are happy.
ok. that's the end of that.
i don't really know what to do with myself today. i really, really don't. so i think i'm just going to get back into bed...
|
|
|
[Saturday, January 1st, 2005
@ 3:04pm] |
so it is the new year. i had a decent time last night. usually... well, as of late anyway, going to bri's makes me sad. that's a long story though. but anyway, last night was pretty cool. i had champagne for the first time... it wasn't too tasty. but it makes me think that this year will be the year for firsts for me. heh, that's an easy one, because i've come to realize that i've never done... anything. i have barely lived. so. we shall see what kind of living i will get to experience this year. and i really hope to jebus on all my silverchair albums that this year will be GOOD. i don't see any reason why it shouldn't be. i mean, what's better than starting off the year with dropping calculus? nothing, that's what. and now that i think about it, i'm glad i got my ACT scores yesterday, in 2004. because it would've been quite a downer to have gotten them this year. i really want this year to be good. i haven't had a good year in a while, i think it's time that i got one.
i thought of a new year's resolution. i think it fits perfectly. i'm going to try and... well, i don't know how to say it exactly. i guess i'm going to try and be more forward about things. i'm going to stop hanging back so much, and just go for things. i'm going to stop being such a little pussy about everything and just do what i have to/want to do. because it's so ridiculous to inhibit myself like that. so i guess that's assertiveness? i've never been very assertive. but this year, i'm going to start doing what i need to do, and start saying what i need to say, etc. no more bullshit. i mean, i think i've definitely waited long enough. no better time than the present. so yeah, that's what i'm shooting for, and i don't think it will be that difficult, because i've already started.
onto other things. ahh, only a few more days until school starts again. from now until then, i think i'm going to do nothing more than laze around the house. maybe play some video games, watch tv, eat food, sleep, etc. maybe sarah gunty will want to go skateboarding tomorrow?? that would be cool.
well, i hope everyone has a nice new year's day, and a nice rest of the break, and i'll see you on wednesday.
p.s. lol, zac. i looked in the freezer and we DO have hashbrowns. i was totally going to call you this morning, and tell you to come over for breakfast, but then i realized it was like, 2 in the afternoon, lol. oops.
|
|
| the troops have landed... |
[Friday, December 24th, 2004
@ 11:55pm] |
yes, THEY'RE here. my sister and her 2 evil, evil children. until monday.
there is no way i'm going to survive.
i don't so much mind my sister... she's okay. i hate her less than my brother. but the KIDS... it was only 30 minutes, and i already was wishing death upon myself. i can't wait until they leave. oh god, i'm never going to make it. i want to gouge my eyes out right now, so that i can spend the rest of these four days in the hospital, away from them. why, why, why..
Billy, for the love of all that is good and holy, PLEASE SAVE ME...
|
|
|
[Thursday, December 16th, 2004
@ 10:26am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 crappy |
] |
i had this big rant about calculus all typed... but then i changed my mind and deleted it. it does not matter. i did end up with a D in that class though. the teacher wants me to drop out. she thinks i can't do it. heh. screw that. i love it when OTHER people tell me what i can or cannot achieve. so i'm staying alright. i feel like such an idiot. i feel like a big failure. i feel like i'm too dumb for tht class. but FEELING too dumb for it and BEING too dumb for it are too completely different things. so i'm staying, because i KNOW i can get it if i try. mrs A thinks i'm stupid, and that's why i did shitty on all the tests. the truth is, i did shitty because i was too lazy to try. but i'm going to try this time around. because i know i can do it, even if everyone else thinks i can't...
onto other things. i went on a bit of a shopping spree yesterday. i wasn't planning on getting any presents at all, but then i ended up getting tons of presents, lol. whoops. so i guess i'll be giving them all to you guys tonight at bri's. hopefully everyone is there. i do have to finish a couple of them first, though. we'll see if i can accomplish it before 5, lol. hey, i started and finished ashley's beanie in 2 hours. that's not half bad. so.
but first i think i'm going to take a nap. because i'm uberly tired. i'm not used to staying up until 2am without a nap, which is what i've done every day this week. so.
bleh. i feel really shitty today. it's just a crappy day. but i'm thinking that if i go back to sleep, and then wake up again and just start the day over, it will be better. have you ever done that? it works sometimes.
|
|
|
[Tuesday, December 14th, 2004
@ 7:53am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
exhausted |
] |
i can't quite seem to remember anything from today.
i am sooo unbelieveably tired. i only got 3.5 hours of sleep last night, so i'm still running off of that. and the night before that, i only got about 5 or so. no naps since a few days ago. so i am extremely exhausted, and i am to the point where i can't remember what i said two seconds ago. or i'll say something that makes absolutely no sense. i kind of feel like i'm walking around in a dream, and i can't seem to separate anything from anything this week. i can't even remember what day it is. i want nothing more than to just like, pass out until tomorrow morning RIGHT NOW, but i have to finish this application crap, and still study for the math final tomorrow. i also have a french final that i should study for, but that's so not going to happen. i really need to work on my time management skills. i can't seem to get anything done on time lately. meh.
so christmas shopping + billy = extremely amusing! and happy and fun. hanging out with billy is good stuff. but i always feel like such a big dork/loser/nerd around him. because my retarded sense of humour comes out. i guess because i know he won't judge me for being an idiot. so i don't mind acting stupid around him. :) we went to barnes and noble, and i didn't even get anything. but at least i've FINALLY figured out what to do for presents. sorry guys, i'm as cheap as cheap gets, so if i even manage to BUY you something, that's an accomplishment. as of now, it'll probably end up being handmade. which also means that it will just flat out suck, lol. just thought i'd warn ya. and lol, i doubt anyone will get their presents this week even, except for probably billy and maybe sarah gunty. so, i'll probably end up on your guys' doorsteps christmas eve with your present, lol. anyway... eww, while we are at barnes and noble, i saw Micah. i thought he didn't work there anymore... that means if i get a job there i'd have to work with him. that... would be weird. ehh. :\
anyway. ugh. just a quick calc rant. i got a 34 on my test. yeah. didn't think i did that bad, but aparently i'm as retarded as humanly possible. and i love how mrs A points it out in her oh so obvious ways. i know i'm not smart enough for that class, must she continue to rub it in?? aparently. i still have a C though. somehow. all i want is a C on my transcript. for the love of jebus. that is all i need to keep up my perfect attendence. that is ALL i want from that class. it sucks, because i do try, and i know i can do math... but i just can't learn it from her. *shakes head* thank fucking god for this 2 week break. i'm stoked for that...
ehh. my good mood from yesterday is like, hanging on by a thread. maybe i'll feel better after i go to bed. maybe i'll feel better after--
|
|
| ACTs ACTs |
[Saturday, December 11th, 2004
@ 1:29pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
good |
] |
well, the ACTs were this morning. i was... not that nervous at all. believe it or not, i was still in a good mood from last night. it was like, i KNEW i was the queen of the ACTs and that was the end of it. i think i did pretty well. i know i did better than last time. i even finished some of the sections before time was called. the math section still threw me a little, but the rest of them seemed fine. english was easy. that's always my best section. reading went pretty well, i actually got through the whole thing this time. and the science this year was easy! maybe it was just because i knew how to do it right this time, from all the studying. i think i did a pretty good job, so i'm glad about that. i have high hopes for my score. i'm excited about it. for once, i didn't come out of the room thinking "i totally bombed that test", i came out feeling confident. so that rocks! even so, i'm still going to take the SATs. might as well.
well, like i said, i'm stil in a good mood from last night. :) the inner workings of the universe really are quite amazing. that's all i can say.
i am supposed to go christmas shopping with ashley today. i tried to call though, but no one answered. so i'll try again shortly. if we go, that should be fun. well i guess that is all for the moment...
|
|
|
[Tuesday, December 7th, 2004
@ 8:59pm] |
As I'm talking my words slip to the floor
and they crawl through your legs and slide under the back door
rendering me freakish and dazed.
Well here I am. I don't know how to say this.
The only thing I know is awkward silence.
Your eyelids close when you're around me to shut me out.
So I'll go walking in the streets until my heels bleed
and I'll sing out my song in case the birds wish to sing along.
And I'll dig a tunnel to the center of the universe.
Well here I am. I don't know how to say this.
The only thing I know is awkward silence.
Your eyelids close when you're around me to shut me out.
I'll make my way across the frozen sea, beyond the blank horizon,
Where i can forget "you and me" and get a decent night's sleep.
Well here I am. I don't know how to say this.
The only thing I know is awkward silence.
Your eyelids close when you're around me to shut me out.
Don't shut me out.
i forgot that i like Saves the Day. they are... rather emo, lol. of course.
today and yesterday zoomed on by. i feel kind of lost... like, i don't know what day it is. i'm still stuck in the weekend.
i totally failed that calculus test today. god. it doesn't matter how much i study, i'm never going to get it. like, maybe if she makes the test more organized and generic. but her tests are so random. blah. i'm hoping for at least a C on that test. dear jebus, please. i just want to keep my C. that is all. but i don't know if i did well enough or not. probably not. we'll see.
christmas break needs to come faster...
EDIT: oh, i learned something today. boys are freaking weird. very strange indeed. i think that is why i like to hang out with the ones that yknow, are still boys, but they don't give off the whole strong sense of testosterone. i don't like hanging out with guys who act like guys. and i don't like hanging out with girls who act like girls, either. lol.. i guess that leaves me with a bunch of gender confused people. no, i just like mellow people. mellow people rock. all mellow people should wear buttons or something. that way we'd all know who each other were.
|
|
|
[Saturday, December 4th, 2004
@ 11:48pm] |
well, it was a busy week.
i hate being busy.
but yeah, so i've been sick since... a few days before the Honk play that we went to see saturday. that's gotta be a least 2 weeks and some odd days. so i went to the doctor on wednesday. the doctor turned out to be Colin's (that tall kid with the dark hair) dad. that was bizzare. and then thursday i went to photo club for the real first time. it was scary. because i... really feel like i don't know what the fuck i am doing. and it makes me very self conscious to be around a ton of people who know exactly what they are doing. and ms tucker has always intimidated the crap out of me. but i survived, so that is good.
what else? oh, on...i think it was friday maybe.. who comes waltzing around the corner? none other than Rob. oiy. it was weird to see him again. i only talked to him for a moment, and it was tolerable. he's okay. ...heh, he's totally lost all his hotness though. all for the better i suppose. i always hate looking back at the people that i've been completely smitten over. because it makes me feel so stupid. feh.
well, other stuff has happened this week... i got my teacher recommendations in finally. now i just have to do the essay (i'm probably just going to use the one i gave hartman) and do the actual application. then i'm done. i also need to study for ACTs this saturday. bleh. but first i have to get all this freaking math done. bleh. so i should probably shut up now..
|
|
|
[Thursday, November 25th, 2004
@ 10:56am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 blah |
] |
well, this is the second year in a row that i have stabbed myself trying to get the damn plastic off the damn tofurkey. a new tradition, i suppose.
i hate thanksgiving. i have no family, so it is just another midday meal with my mother that leaves me feeling rather empty and unfulfilled because i don't know what to do the rest of the day. thanksgiving never feels like a holiday to me, ever. i guess everyone else has a lot of family that they are spending the day with and stuff. but not me. my mom will go back to work after we finish eating, and i will spend the rest of the day alone in my room watching tv or sleeping or talking to myself. christmas is a little better, because after my mom goes back to work after i open presents, at least there are new things to keep me occupied for the rest of the day. but thanksgiving just sucks. AND my normal daytime tv shows aren't even on, because there's all this holiday crap on. bleh. oh well.
i'm annoyed a little bit, because my mom is making me make all the food today. i'm just not in the mood to cook and shit. because when i cook, i drop things, and stab myself with knives, and forget to put in key ingredients, and all that other great stuff. but oh well. at least it will keep me kind of busy.
this long weekend is going by a bit too fast for me. i think it's because i'm spending most of my time thinking about crap. that takes up a lot of time, i've realized. i wish i could stop thinking and just enjoy the break. but alas, i cannot. wouldn't it be great if you could tell your brain to do something, and *gasp* it would do what you asked? that would be so awesome.
lol, tomorrow, i really want to go to bri's, ring the door bell, proudly hold my dish out when she opens the door and say "i brought the green bean casserole!" ..but i don't have anything to make a green bean casserole out of. we aren't even having it today. meh.
"i meant what i said
and i said what i meant
and i meant it for you, too..
don't bother to notice
because even if you did
there's nothing that you can do..
i know you don't need me
and if you don't need me
then i sure don't need you..."
well, i guess i shall go find something to keep myself busy until there is something better to do.
*oh btw..if anyone wants me to make beanies for christmas presents, then put your orders in now! ..um, not that i won't have all the time in the world to make any. cause my schedule is just THAT busy, heh..
|
|
|
[Monday, November 22nd, 2004
@ 7:36pm] |
oh...my...god, i never dreamed that TheraFlu would taste so horrible. but i am taking rachel's advice and drinking it, so's i can not be sick anymore.
man, today sucked so bad though. i just wanted to GO HOME all day. like, in first hour i was fine, but by the time i got to second, i wanted to die. i puked three times in school today. it really sucks having to like, get up and run out of class so you can go puke. it's a little bit embarrassing. but i guess it would've been more so had i stayed there and puked in front of everyone, lol.
crap.
so now i'm freaking out about the perfect attendance thing. you have to keep a 3.5 for the entire year, and have B's or higher. well i have a C in english (which is actually a B for honors) and a D in math (which is actually a C). so i'm pretty much screwed. i don't know if they look at your two final grades for that, or if they include midterms, or if they just count EVERYTHING. if it's just the two final grades, then i'll be okay. but if not, then i'm screwed. what should i do? gasd;glksjglaskg, blah, i can't seem to do anything right this year. oh well. i guess i'll find out tomorrow and if i'm not eligible (which i most likely won't be) then i'll have no initiative to stay in school, and i'll just be done.
ehh, i better get back to my homework. i can't wait until the weekend...
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
